The Writer
by chakramchaser
Summary: A/O: Alex finds a new way to express her bottled-up emotion.
1. Chapter 1

Alex sat at her computer. The desk lamp was the only thing providing light at the early hour. Her clock read 1:27 AM. She sighed and rested her head in her hands, her long blonde hair falling forward.

She had just woken up from a dream. A wonderful dream.

But if it was so wonderful, then why couldn't she shake the pain?

Alex had been unable to get back to sleep, the pounding of her heart and the clenching of her stomach making it impossible to relax. She had made herself a cup of tea, paced around the apartment, watched television. And now she found herself sitting at the computer with an empty word document open in front of her. She watched the little black line flash steadily on the screen, begging for words.

Words failed her.

The dream had that effect on her. Always.

Alex was not new to the dream. She had been having it for months now, always startling her awake and leaving her sleepless. During the dream, Alex was lifted to a new level of being. She floated above everything else in ecstasy, not noticing or caring about anything other than the matter at hand. But when she woke, the realization that it was only a dream set in. And with it came the agony.

More than once, Alex had sat at the kitchen table, crying into her mug of tea. The loneliness, the longing… It was too much for her to bear. So she broke down once in a while. So what, she thought. She couldn't be expected to keep perfect composure all the time. The world saw her as the icy, unbreakable attorney, but they didn't know what tormented her when she was out of the courtroom.

Alex turned her attention back to the white page in front of her, with the black line still flashing. She removed her hands from their position encircling the warm mug of sweet liquid and rested her fingers on the keyboard, determined to make some sense of her emotion. She pressed down six times, and was not at all surprised by the word that appeared in hard black lines before her. Nevertheless, her composure wavered. The tears slipped down her cheeks and she put her head down on the desk.

Alex's shoulders stopped shaking as she quieted down, exhausted by the outburst. Her eyes slowly closed, her mind drifting. Within minutes, she was asleep. The computer was still on, the little black line still flashing to the right of the six-letter word. The six-letter word that held so much sway over the ADA. The six-letter word that meant so much.

Olivia.


	2. Chapter 2

Alex navigated her way through the steady flow of people; the precinct was crowded and bustling. Phones were ringing off the hook as always, and people ran this way and that. Only Olivia was stationary, bent over her desk. Alex's hand came to rest on the detective's shoulder.

"You okay?" she asked with concern. Olivia looked up, startled, then slumped into her chair.

"Yeah, Alex, thanks," she said. "It's just this case we're working on. It's getting to me more than usual."

Alex cocked her head to one side. "Feel like talking about it?"

Olivia shook her head. "Nah, no need. But thanks for the offer." She looked into Alex's eyes. "Really. I appreciate it."

Alex nodded. "Okay, well just let me know if you ever… want to." She stood and headed for the door.

"Thanks. I will." Olivia smiled and turned back to her work.

Alex left the precinct with a knot of worry in her stomach. She could see the pain in Olivia's eyes, but she could also see the walls that were meant to prevent anyone else from seeing it. Her heart went out to the detective, for having to deal with situations that weren't easy to handle. Especially when Olivia was so closely connected to them.

Once at home, Alex was restless. She couldn't find a way to keep herself busy. Her mind kept wandering back to the incident at the precinct.

Cooking dinner was done. Television was useless. All the books in her apartment had been read and read again. She sat on the couch, despondent. Then, it came to her.

The document.

Why not, she thought as she sat down at the computer and switched it on. Why shouldn't she write something? As if anybody would ever see it. And it wasn't healthy to keep everything inside.

And so Alex sat, unmoving, at the computer. She stared at the one word on the page and thought. And for hours of thinking, she could only come up with one other word.

Strong.


	3. Chapter 3

Her day off.

Alex had a day off for once. And she could think of nothing to do but sit in her apartment. She had gone through every DVD she owned, popped popcorn, made a tin of muffins (which were promptly thrown in the trash), checked her email three times and read the paper cover to cover.

She sat on her couch, disgruntled, and blew her bangs out of her eyes. She was at a loss for what to do. The restlessness that overtook her was unbearable.

Alex stood up suddenly, struck by an idea. She would go for a run. Maybe that would help release some stress. And take her mind off a certain woman that she wouldn't be seeing today.

The noise of the streets cleared her mind almost instantly. The fresh, cool air whipped by as she placed one foot in front of the other at an increasingly fast pace.

Alex was so concentrated on what she was doing that she didn't notice the jogger approaching her from the opposite direction. The two careened into each other as Alex rounded the corner, bumping shoulders and startling both of them to a stop.

"Oh God, I'm sorry!" Alex said, biting her bottom lip anxiously. "Are you okay?" The jogger raised her head to look at Alex.

She knew her face in an instant.

"O-Olivia!" Alex stammered. "What are you… Are you okay? I mean, I…"

The detective smiled. "It's alright, Alex, I'm fine." She stood up straight and stretched out. Alex found herself struggling not to stare at Olivia's tanned body, which was glistening with sweat and more revealed than Alex had ever seen it before.

"Don't you work today?" Alex asked, putting her hands on her hips.

"Yeah," Olivia nodded. "But I decided to go for a run. I run when I…" she trailed off. "Well, anyway, I guess I'll see you tomorrow." She waved and started to run.

"Bye," Alex said. She watched as Olivia disappeared in the crowds.

Alex burst through the door of her apartment and headed straight for the computer. There was a single word in her head that needed to be written down. She frantically opened her document, thinking only of the moment with Olivia. She hit the keys so quickly that the word appeared on the screen in one second flat. Satisfied, she clicked save and headed for the shower.

The word stayed illuminated on the screen.

Guarded.


End file.
